if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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