Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
