Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's the barista slut.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
