Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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