I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
