I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
