yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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