I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
