fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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