dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
