I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
