True but thats because hes a fetus.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
