i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
