After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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