Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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