That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
