don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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