i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
