Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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