If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
