You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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