What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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