she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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