I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
