Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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