And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
