He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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