oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so let's talk penis.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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