I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
