community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
