That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
