im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
