It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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