i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
