She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
