found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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