guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
