yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
