Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
