have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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