I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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