If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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