this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
