So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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