Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
