It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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