I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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