I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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