i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
