she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
