According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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