Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
