I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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