Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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