i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
