she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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