Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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