i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
