everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
