Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
