grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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