Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
