my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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