I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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