sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
