no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
