Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't put those talents on a resume
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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