He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
