This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
