Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
